I have been exposed to HIV. I am very scared right now. I have to wait 6 months to find out for sure. my mind can;t staop racing. The man told me after we had been sleeping with eachother for a month. We used condoms most of the time but some we didnt when we were drinking. I know it was stupid as bad. Just I am getting so lonely and tired of being alone I just wannted to be with anyone who shows he is willing to stick around. I feel I ruined my life and my daughters life. Part of me just wants to give up. 6 months is a long time to wait to find out abouta death sentance. My wreckless mistakes are costing me everything. Then the thought of wht if it is positive in 6 months I wont want want to live anymore. I feel I let my baby down doing stupid things. I love God and have always trusted in him but this time I honestly just told God I am just putting this all in his hands. I wanted to hurt the man who did this to me get him fired and put in jail. I wanted to hurt him and hate him. but the more I have been praying I am not even mad at him. I just want him to leave me alone. I am putting this all in Gods hands. I just pray this is only a test for me to help me turn my life around. That is what I am going to do. I need prayer and some kind of hope. I wish God could just tell me now. I havent told anyone not even a friend. I am ashamed and dont want lectures right now. I just need some way to get through all of this. I want to start dedicating my whole life to God so I can find a man who really does care for me and wont hurt us. I pray I dont have this disease. I am scared to scared, I feel I cant function. I really want to get out of Alaska. I feel like I am drowning here. I have no really positive friends here. I just want a new good start with new people who stay on Gods side. Please pray for me. I need God to give me path to fallow. I will go and do whatever he askes of me. I just dont know how to tell what it is hes saying to me. I am tired of being lonely and empty I want a better life for my B!
rya she is everything to me.